When Love is Power, I am Powerless
by Mikey Is The Man
Summary: Set during R2's Turn 12. After Cupid Day, Lelouch is left to consider his relationship with the girl who told him love was power. He wants to ask himself what she means to him, but is a better question, how much she means to him? Lelouch/Shirley.


_Hey readers. Mikey here again, with another Lelouch/Shirley fic. I had such hopes for my last attempt to write this couple, but multi-chapter stories are not a strength of mine. So, I'm going with a oneshot this time around. Hope you guys enjoy!_

_This is based off R2's Turn 12, taking place between the events of Cupid Day, and Shirley regaining her memories thanks to the Geass Canceller._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Code Geass._

* * *

Lelouch sighed as he flipped through the pages of the budget report. In the wake of Milly's final hurrah, a giant hole had been punched through the second floor wall of the school library, courtesy of Anya's Mordred. With her recent graduation and his becoming the Interim Student Council President in her absence, it fell on his shoulders to find the money to repair the damage.

It was a task that Sayoko could certainly manage if he had asked her to, but the truth was, he wasn't very enthralled with the idea of being Zero for the time being. With everything that had happened recently in the Chinese Federation - freeing the Tianzi from the control of the High Eunuchs, helping with the treaty details between the two sides, and Kallen having been captured by Britannian forces - his mind had been feeling trapped by his mask. He needed a break, a breath of his "normal" life.

Cupid Day, however, had left his alternate identity in just as much turmoil.

He had no idea what he was going to do with Shirley. In the eyes of Ashford Academy, they were officially a couple, the hottest couple in school, in fact. Lelouch had finally reciprocated sweet Shirley's feelings, and the rumor mill was quick to churn out gossip of their escapades.

Of course, Shirley never let any of it change anything between the two. She understood Lelouch was just playing the part. He still wasn't in love with her.

As he thought he found a club with a surplus of funds, the door to the student council room opened.

"Oh, hi, Lulu," Shirley greeted from the doorway. "I didn't expect you to be in here."

"Well, someone has to take care of the hole in the library," he said with a smile, his voice taking the easy tone it did whenever he spoke to her. "You would've thought that the school's insurance covered Knightmare damage, especially with the Ganymede lying around."

Shirley smiled as she sat down on the other side of Lelouch's corner. "I'm just here to catch up on some reading for History, so don't mind me. I'll keep out of your way."

Normally Lelouch's first thoughts would be about how Britannian history was all unrepentant propaganda, but today, it was something else. She had said to not mind her presence. But for some reason, he couldn't keep his brilliance focused, not with her sitting so close to him.

As far as aesthetics went, Shirley was very appealing. Her vibrant olive eyes perfectly suited her sunset-colored hair. Her swimmer's body was strong, but without having to sacrifice feminine grace. She was a lovely girl, he would admit. But it wasn't her appearance that kept him from his work.

Ever since the Mao incident that ended with Lelouch having to erase himself out of her memories, he had developed a protective appreciation of Shirley. She was kind, warm, unlike the rest of the society that she had been brought up in. He had cast a black cloud over her clear skies when he inadvertently killed her father, and the situation only worsened when Mao entered the picture. He resolved to never cause her tears again after that. He never wanted to see her broken again.

For the year that he lived with the false memories his father had implanted, he had reverted to an unassuming teenage boy, too busy doting over his younger "brother" to pay her (or any other girls, for that matter) any heed. When C.C. saved him from that fate, his past with Shirley resurfaced, along with a familiar guilt. All of his student council friends had also been subject to the Emperor's Geass to rewrite Nunnally out of their lives and replace her with Rolo. Twice now, Shirley's memories had been altered because of him.

Besides their adoptive sister Milly, the council member Nunnally had been closest to was Shirley. It was no surprise, as they had plenty in common: both were loving and understanding, with a soft spot for Lelouch. Whenever she wasn't busy with schoolwork, council activities, or the swim team, Shirley would visit Nunally and try to learn how to fold origami. She never developed a knack for it, but Nunnally would always be encouraging. Moments like those had been deleted from her mind, and Lelouch knew how much they'd meant to her.

He discreetly looked over at her, hiding his eyes with his hair. She sat with a hand propping up her chin, reading the textbook laid out in front of her. Even while doing something as mundane as studying, her lips carried hints of her perennial smile.

His gaze held at her lips, a glossy pink sheen coating them. His heart beat heavier when he remembered their kiss that day, more than a year ago. Despite the rain having washed off most of her lip balm, he could still taste the sweet traces of watermelon. Even though the rain had mixed with the tears streaming down her face, when she pressed her cold cheek against his in their tight embrace, he could still tell the difference.

It had been his first kiss, and presumably hers as well. But with the twisted reconstructions that had been cast on their minds by his father, it was if it had never happened for either of them. For some reason, that thought made him sad. Regretful, even.

He was snapped back to this false reality by Shirley suddenly turning to him, their gazes locking. He cursed at himself for getting caught, and understood that playing it off was his only option. He would have to be very careful with what he said, but he hadn't figured that part out yet. "Hey, Shirley?"

"Yeah?"

"Uh..." he began. Here he was, the man who at any given moment could compose an uprising speech to incite a revolution, totally helpless against his classmate. He was very glad C.C. wasn't around to witness his inability to even form a sentence for the girl. He hated when she teased him about Shirley, which had naturally become more frequent after the passing of Cupid Day.

Thankfully, he was saved by the door opening, allowing two figures to walk in. Lelouch never thought he would be happy to see the Knights of the Round, but he exhaled in relief at their appearance.

"Hey, guys!" Gino said as the tall blond boy strode into the room, Anya trailing behind him. His cheerful grin immediately turned mischievous when he recognized who it was he was addressing. "Oh, we're not interrupting anything, are we?"

Lelouch at that moment swore to himself that if he ever got the chance, he would see the Knight of Three's Tristan down in flames by his own hand.

"No, we're just studying!" Shirley exclaimed their innocence. The hue her cheeks had begun to take matched her hair, revealing she was just as embarrassed by Gino's insinuation as Lelouch.

"If you say so," he said, walking towards the table. "We just came in to return this yearbook. I borrowed it earlier because I couldn't believe what Suzaku told us!"

"What?" Shirley asked, ever curious.

Gino opened the book in his hands, flipping through it quickly, without any success. "What page was it on, Anya?"

"132," the Knight of Six replied in her dull voice, not even looking up from her phone.

"Right," he said, coming to a stop. He handed the book over to Lelouch and Shirley. "You know this girl here?"

The picture he was showing them was of last year's student council, featuring the two of them. The redheaded girl Gino pointed to was all the way at the end of the group shot, her smile seeming frailer compared to the others.

"That's Kallen," Shirley answered softly, her tone strangely solemn to Lelouch's ears. "She's one of the Black Knights."

"The Ace of the Black Knights," Anya said, sounding almost correcting. She turned her phone over to the two, displaying a photograph she had taken of Kallen. The location was a marvelous building of wealth and decoration, where she rebelliously stood out amongst the formality in her Black Knights uniform. Her face looked strong and steely, a stark contrast to the sickly girl she pretended to be at school.

"I didn't believe Suzaku when he told us she used to be a part of the student council with him last year, so I had to make sure of it myself," Gino explained as he set the yearbook back on the shelf. "Who would've thought two bitter enemies would sit around planning festivals, huh? Anyway, he said she wasn't a bad person, just really misguided."

"Misguided," Shirley echoed quietly.

Gino nodded. "We recently captured her in the Chinese Federation, and I wanna try to convince her to fight for us. Someone with her abilities would be a huge asset to Britannia. She could even be a Knight of the Round."

"He also wants to ask her out on a date," Anya informed them flatly.

"Hey, one thing at a time, though," he said, rubbing the back of his neck with a boyish grin. "Alright, well, we'll leave you two alone now. Catch ya later."

The two Knights left the room with a wave from Gino, leaving it in a heavy silence. Lelouch had tried to keep from sending him dark looks as he talked about his captured comrade, especially when he said he wanted to bring her to the Britannian's side. At the same time, he noticed Shirley had become despondent as the conversation went on.

"Are you okay, Shirley?" he asked, with genuine concern.

It took her a second before replying. "Kallen... She's the one who killed my father."

Lelouch felt a eerily reminiscent chill sweep throughout his body at her words.

"None of us have ever talked about it, but that red Knightmare that she pilots, the one with the huge claw... That's the one that caused the landslide that buried my father in Narita," she continued.

Lelouch held in a growl. He didn't want to see her like this. Not again.

"But I've never blamed her for what happened. I know she felt really guilty, I could tell at the funeral. It was all on Zero's orders," Shirley said, trying to sound positive despite the quake in her voice.

"It was," Lelouch said powerfully, causing her to look over him with surprise. "Zero's the one responsible. He's the one you should hate."

He hated saying it. He hated thinking it. But it was the truth. For everything that had happened to her, Shirley should hate him. But she didn't, thanks to his selfish use of Geass, another reason to earn her loathing.

When he explained to C.C. the command he had given her, the witch asked why he had eliminated himself completely from her memories. Why not just the events that had plagued her because of him? Why give himself a perfectly clean slate with Shirley? So he could create himself anew, as someone she should never meet? Or was it to win her favor once more, effectively stalling for an attempt at a romance in the future? Both theories left Lelouch at an impasse for an answer, but she had made a point to be as least ambiguous possible with her opinion.

Shirley turned to him with a sad smile. "I don't hate Zero."

Now it was Lelouch's turn to be surprised. "What?"

"I know I have every right to, for everything he's done not just to me, but to everyone's who's been affected by his actions. For awhile, I did, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I should feel sorry for him instead."

"Why's that?" he asked. He didn't want pity, but he wanted to know what she believed was sympathetic about her father's murderer.

"His mask," she answered. "He wears it because he doesn't want anyone to know who he is. People say it's just because he's a terrorist, but I think there's more to it than that. He's someone who's been hurt, someone who's lost it all, and this is how he lashes out at the world. If we saw Zero's eyes, we would see his pain."

Lelouch averted his eyes at her conclusion. He would never understand how Shirley could remain so forgiving and understanding through it all. When she loved, he hated. When she wanted a peaceful world, he waged war. She had told him that love was power, but the only power he knew was Geass, the ability to contort the will of others' to his own selfish ends. And no matter his motivations, he was a monster. He didn't deserve any other power, especially not her love.

"Anyway, Lulu?" she said, back to her normal, happy self. Her pure smile elevated his own mood, discarding his haunting thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"You were gonna say something, right? Before Gino and Anya came in."

"Oh, right..." he began. Damn. This again.

What could he say? His brain scrambled for possibilities, but nothing seemed right under her eager eyes. They appeared to sparkle in anticipation, and her hair seemed to glow like a sunset with the light through the window hitting it perfectly.

No, not a sunset. A sunrise.

Lelouch finally understood. His brilliant mind was of no use when it came to Shirley. He needed to use his heart, and his heart told him to be selfish. Love was power, and he felt powerless in that regard. But in a way, love was selfish, something he would admit to being in spades. Maybe he wasn't so powerless after all.

And his heart told him to embrace that selfishness. He didn't deserve her love - not yet. But he wanted a future. Everything he did was for a better world, and when it was all said and done, the new day that he wanted would begin with a sunrise.

Besides, after everything that he'd done to her, he owed her this much, didn't he?

"I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me tonight," he said, finding the nerve to ask with a clear voice, despite the blush on his cheeks.

Shirley's eyes lit up. "Really?" she asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, just the two of us."

She beamed at him, instilling in him confidence in his choice. "I'd love to."

* * *

_I've never found a love story that had me as emotionally invested as the one between Lelouch and Shirley. I wanted for them to have their happy ending, but that epic-romance-that-couldn't-be was a huge part of the appeal. That's why I had to sucker myself into this positive ending, because we all know what happens next, during that fateful walk in the rain..._

_Anyway, I tried to be as canonically correct as possible with this, going back to rewatch episodes that might contradict anything I wrote. Hopefully you guys enjoyed this as much as I did putting this together. Thanks, readers, and as always, reviews are very much welcomed, appreciated, and encouraged! _


End file.
